Wednesday thoughts

Hey guys! This morning I have been thinking a lot about a certain issue I've struggled with for a long time. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to please people. This need to please people has come in many different forms.  When I was in middle school it was staying passive in conversations, leading me to be very shy and self conscious because I didn't want anyone to not like me. As I got a little older I started growing out of my shyness. However this did not stop me from wanting to please everyone. Still I tried to always focus on others first rather than myself and while some may call this being selfless or generous, I have found it to be very destructive. Focusing on other people's happiness led me to constantly invalidate my own feelings, experiences and worth in general. Now looking back I want to go up to my younger self and tell myself that everything I feel and experience is worthy of sharing and being proud of. Wanting to please people used to also make me hide parts of myself that I was afraid to show other people too. Now that I am much older and hopefully a little wiser I have come a long way. However I still continue to deal with this issue at some level. Sometimes I find myself worrying about what others think of me and desire perfect relationships with everyone in my life. Sometimes I still want to make everyone happy and appease everyone. This is what made me disappointed in myself this morning. After all I have gone through with this struggle I need to start focusing on making myself happy and not in a selfish way but in a self-love kind of way. I need to stop spending so much time thinking about people who although I may feel like need to be in my life, maybe don't need to be. Things happen for a reason and happen in time. And in the mean time I need to spend time on people who want to be in my life and want to get to know me. This is where I am at now. 

That's all for now. 

-m