Confused

How is it possible to be so incredibly happy and so terribly sad at the same time? It's hard to explain, not only to you guys but even to myself. I find myself having these conflicting feelings and I don't know why. Sometimes during the day I look around at my situation and I am filled with so much happiness and appreciation for my life. I know that I am going to be looking back on these times and wishing I had not taken it for granted. I have amazing friends and know I have grown so much as a person. However, something is also just not there. I cannot tell if I feel like something is missing. I don't know if this thing is in myself or if it is something outside of myself. It's a strange feeling and I have no clue what to do with it. This feeling will attack me in a quick wave, crashing down and washing over me, but then slowly pulling away. I have thought about this for hours and hours on end. Maybe it's the fact that I need change again in my life. Sometimes when I get too settled into something I feel trapped and need something different. Maybe it's me missing home a little bit. Maybe it's knowing that what I have right now is all going to change and be different, so maybe it's the change that is making me feel this way. Whatever it is, I still am a very very gracious and happy person on a daily basis. But this feeling has me so confused at times. Any advice?

That's all for now.

-m

Lessons

Hey guys! Today I kind of feel like rambling so just bear with me. This year I've learned so much. Like a lot. One thing I've learned that has really stuck with me is that you should stop worrying about what other people are doing. So often I've been obsessed with comparing my life with the lives of other people, people who I barely know and aren't really involved in my life at all. You need to live your own life. Entirely your own. Make your own memories. Live in your moment. Be with the people who make you happy, make you laugh and bring out the best sides of you. Who cares what those other people are doing. Another thing I've learned this year is to stop being so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. Sometimes we make a mistake and then make another one and then even another one. Mistakes are okay. We are not perfect at all and should never strive to be perfect. It's more fun that way anyways. I have also learned that some people are only temporary. Not everyone who touches your life will be in it forever. They aren't meant to be. Some people are supposed to be in your life for just a moment to teach you something. It's okay if they leave. Stick with the people who will last forever and learn from those who do not. Another lesson I've learned is that social media is not real. People only show parts of their lives on social media. Mainly, they show their happiness moments. However, you cannot truly know a person through social media. No matter how happy they may seem to be or how perfect their lives may be depicted, you can never know the truth. Live in the real world. Finally, I have learned that you need to love yourself. There is no one out there who is exactly like you. As cheesy as that sounds, it's true. Embrace your so-called flaws. Discover new things about yourself every day. Enrich your mind with the things you love. Make yourself as happy as possible. Be confident in yourself.
     Life is so so short. As they say, the days are long but the years are short. This year has been crazy. It's been a mess at times. But I've grown so much and still have a lot of growing left to do. We grow every day really. Take risks. Say yes a lot and say no when you need to. Do whatever makes you happy. Embrace each day and never take a moment for granted because looking back, do you really want to have any regrets?
    So, here's a shoutout and a thank you to my first year of college. It's been fun.

That's all for now.

-m

Thought of the Day

I hope today you have had peace of mind.

That's all for now.
-m

Sunday Night Thoughts

Hey there. I just spent almost an hour or so freaking out about what I am planning on studying in college. Fun fact: I have never been good or interested in math or many sciences as a student. Therefore, I am left with a different set of possible majors to choose from. Many times I feel like I don't know what I like. Recently, I have been drawn to many history classes, however, I often feel like that major is not taken seriously and only leads to jobs as a teacher, which I am not interested in. Life is pretty confusing at times. I feel so so lost right now. It's odd because I feel like I know who I am as a person but I don't know what I want to do in life. What do you all think is more important? Who you are or what you do? Both? I just wanted to ask this question and see what you all think.

That's all for now.
-m

Wednesday thoughts

Hey guys! This morning I have been thinking a lot about a certain issue I've struggled with for a long time. For as long as I can remember I have always wanted to please people. This need to please people has come in many different forms.  When I was in middle school it was staying passive in conversations, leading me to be very shy and self conscious because I didn't want anyone to not like me. As I got a little older I started growing out of my shyness. However this did not stop me from wanting to please everyone. Still I tried to always focus on others first rather than myself and while some may call this being selfless or generous, I have found it to be very destructive. Focusing on other people's happiness led me to constantly invalidate my own feelings, experiences and worth in general. Now looking back I want to go up to my younger self and tell myself that everything I feel and experience is worthy of sharing and being proud of. Wanting to please people used to also make me hide parts of myself that I was afraid to show other people too. Now that I am much older and hopefully a little wiser I have come a long way. However I still continue to deal with this issue at some level. Sometimes I find myself worrying about what others think of me and desire perfect relationships with everyone in my life. Sometimes I still want to make everyone happy and appease everyone. This is what made me disappointed in myself this morning. After all I have gone through with this struggle I need to start focusing on making myself happy and not in a selfish way but in a self-love kind of way. I need to stop spending so much time thinking about people who although I may feel like need to be in my life, maybe don't need to be. Things happen for a reason and happen in time. And in the mean time I need to spend time on people who want to be in my life and want to get to know me. This is where I am at now. 

That's all for now. 

-m

Gratefulness

Hey there! I had a bit of down time today and thought I would sit down and write a little post! Today I've spent a lot of time thinking about gratefulness and what is truly important in life. I've been really conflicted on the whole concept for a while now. Bear with me, this is where I get rambly and confusing. A part of me has always been ashamed of myself when I get too invested in something small. For example, how could I possibly get so excited over purchasing an adorable new dress-sometimes so excited that I absolutely convince myself that it will make me an even slighter happier person. Whenever I used to encounter a situation like this, I would try to talk myself out of that excitement and feel bad about it. I would try to explain to myself that that dress did not really matter in the big scheme of things. That it is silly to think a simple dress could make my day or week or even month. It is superficial. It is not really important. However, last summer I read a book, and forgive me I cannot recall the title at this moment, but it was about a woman experimenting with her happiness. This woman found that the key to perpetual happiness is daily happiness. Now, she did not mean that one has to be happy all day every day. However, she explains that it in fact IS the little things, like a new dress that brightened my day, that make us happy on a long-term scale. After reading this book, I became more accepting of my little indulgences that make me happy. I try to remind myself of this often. I also still believe that gratefulness on a grander scale is what can also make us happier. I came across a video, which I will link below, that really changed my perspective on happiness and the meaning of life. This video taught me that we should be grateful of each day we have and that each day is spent well as long as we have spent a least a second of it being grateful in some way. This may sound silly, however, I thought about this video the last week as I have been very very sick. I was unable to eat solid foods, unable to hang out with friends, unable to just relax without being in any sort of pain and much more. I know that people go through a lot worse than what I experienced last week. That is not the point of my story. My point is that when I got well again, I realized how much I take granted for in my everyday life. I take for granted the fact that I can eat whatever food I want to eat and enjoy this food too. I can spend time with my friends and laugh and share stories. I can breathe deeply and sit still in peace. These are privileges. These are things that after my week of being sick I felt very appreciative of. So, I have come to realize that happiness for me comes from the smallest of pleasures to the grandest of notions. Be grateful for every breath you take. Be grateful for the warm sun. Be grateful for your ability to walk down the street. Be grateful for those new pair of shoes. Be grateful for that delicious lunch. Be grateful for that new dress. Be grateful.

That's all for now.

-m

ps. Here is the video.

Favorites of the Month

Hey guys! Tonight I wanted to share with you some of my favorite things of the month. So, here we go!

1. The "Serial" podcast!
2. Chai tea!
3. Documentaries...any kind. Any recommendations?
4. Wearing my hair naturally.
5. Speaking effectively and expressively.
6. Appreciating my family and friends.
7. Granola cereal.
8. Slam poetry.
9. The library.
10. Giving advice.

As much as I would love to go into depth about each thing, it is indeed finals time here at college and I must get my rest for a big day of studying. However, the above list of ten things have made me a happier person this past month. What are some of your favorite things this month?

That's all for now.

-m